United States of America?

True confession: Being that it’s an election year, I’ve felt the abysmal division in our political system more than ever, but my reaction has been to bolster my beliefs and affiliation while assuming the worst of the other side and stereotyping them as a result.

Well, something unprecedented happened several nights ago that has rocked my world and I believe has the power to shake things up in the intensely polarized environment that we live in. My husband and I had three friends to dinner, two who are in the opposing political party. After finishing a delightful meal, and out of the blue, my husband addressed an opposing-party-member guest and said, “I know this is risky, but what do you think about the presidential election?” Being a polite southerner, I’ve learned to never bring up politics at dinner so I immediately attempted, in the most charming voice I could muster, to cut the conversation off before it really started. However, my husband responded with an argument that I could not refuse by saying he was truly interested in the personal opinions of these two guests who held different views than us. And So it began. The best, most substantive political conversation that I’ve ever had.

I’m not interested in detailing the specifics of our three-hour-long dialogue. Rather, I want to stress the beauty of the outcome. As different issues came up, people passionately stated how they felt about them while remaining respectful. Many times this surprising thought jumped into my head, “Wow. We have more in common than I thought.” I even admitted that on certain issues, I assumed they would be in favor of national systems that I find very problematic but hearing their true beliefs made me realize my own small-mindedness.

Near the end of the conversation, the friend who was initially questioned by my husband remarked that the biggest issue facing our country, more than immigration, healthcare, etc, is the divisive nature of the political system. To that, I raised my glass and said, “I totally agree,” and we all toasted to a shared belief.

This increasing partisan polarization risks destroying something too valuable not to fight for–Democracy. Bruce Stokes, director of global economic attitudes at the Pew Research Center brilliantly articulated this sentiment  in his article “Is America dangerously divided?”, “A deepening ideological uniformity and partisan animosity in both politics and everyday life challenges one of the premises of a functioning democracy: the ability to make decisions through compromise.”

Democracy, by definition, is a government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised by them directly or indirectly through a system of representation usually involving periodically held free elections. It is set up in a way that “we the people” can affect real change. So, if enough of us start discussing issues with our friends on the other side and become more unified as a result, this will begin to mend the festering wound.

I urge you to have your own political conversation, but please only do so within the confines of the following ground rules:

1. Approach conversation only if you’re willing to swallow your pride.
2. Be respectful at all times (even if that means respectfully ending discussion of a certain topic that you feel will do more harm than good).
3. Ask thought-provoking questions.
4. Instead of aiming to win, aim to articulate your beliefs and position while drawing parallels with each person there.
5. Don’t bring up social issues!

I’m not asking that we ignore issues or change our beliefs, I’m simply arguing that because the deep-seeded ugliness of bi-partisan polarization is at an all-time high, we must reintroduce respectful debate. Let’s start a grassroots movement to become worthy of the name UNITED States of America.