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pamela@theunvld.com

Lay Down your Arms & Join Arms

The featured image is Pablo Picasso’s “The Dance of Youth.” Red and yellow, black and white, arms are joined in a dance of unity. Sadly, this image is a far cry from the current portrait of America.

After a long hiatus from this blog, I’m compelled to write again because this message feels like it is burning a hole through my heart. Much has happened in the United States of America in the several months that I’ve been away and I would like to compose a letter to a country that is a massive source for good in this world though in our current state, is crippled by division:

For a generation that prides itself on being open-minded, we find ourselves flooded by such blind hatred as the country has not seen for decades, if ever. Freedom of speech is one of the many tenets that makes this country great, but if you choose to use this immense privilege to spread hate instead  of love, you become a puppet of propaganda. (Propaganda is information, especially of a biased or misleading nature, used to promote or publicize a particular political cause or point of view.) As free citizens, we have each been afforded a platform to spread messages that have the power to bring unity, but by settling for hate speech, we allow ourselves to be dumbed down to the anti-power of division. What good does hate bring? Please remember the words of the great American hero Martin Luther King, Jr.: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

I believe that such mass unoriginality and group-think begins with capable people taking the bait of fear. I would argue that you, fellow Americans, are not a people of fear! We have an inheritance of courage: “The land of the free and the home of the brave.” Please, have the responsibility to learn the full scope of whatever issue it is that you’re so afraid of and determine if it’s worth it. Is fear going to lead you to further unite us or further divide us? Does fear drive you towards hateful thoughts, speech, and action? No good will come of this.

There is one fear that I have that I believe is valid and useful because instead of pushing me towards negative action, it compels me to fight for the noble cause of bringing us together again. It is the fear that we are in the exact cultural/ political climate that Abraham Lincoln warned against paraphrasing words of Jesus in Mark 3:25, “A house divided against itself cannot stand.”

Another weapon of mass division that is being carelessly ignited all over this country is hurling shame at those with an opposing belief or point of view. Remember that a key tenet of open-mindedness is refusing to judge someone because of political leanings, religion, geographic origins, skin color, etc. Don’t be a hypocrite by operating under the flag of open-mindedness only as it suits your agenda. Let’s look at a couple stories from history that illustrate that shame parades itself as moral righteousness but actually is the exact opposite:

In the New Testament story from John 8, Jesus is questioned by religious leaders of the day who sought to trip him up with their many laws. They had caught a woman in the act of adultery and asked Jesus what to do with her remarking that according to their laws, she should be stoned (form of punishment common in that culture where stones were thrown at the victim to the point of death). Jesus didn’t give a hasty answer but rather waited then said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her (John 8:7).” 

Mahatma Gandhi changed the course of his beloved India with a non-violent, hate-void philosophy that first and foremost focused on personal change: “We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him.”

Instead of hyper-focusing on others’ flaws let us put aside such judgement and look rather inward at what rearranging is needed in our own hearts. None of us are in position to throw stones of hate. Do we really want a civil war of words and messages?

I have faith that we are not so self-seeking that we are more concerned with getting our way than we are with the greater good of this nation as a whole.

Lay down your arms and join arms! (Disclaimer: This is not a reflection of my stance on gun control laws but rather a literary device to portray the need to stop the senseless fighting.) Reach across the aisle, across the railroad tracks, and across partisan lines to unite us once again. I’m not under the naive misconception that we can all be in agreement, but I do believe we can be fundamentally unified. Differing opinions, beliefs, backgrounds, etc. make us great, but allowing these differences to give excuse for absolute dishonor and even hate threatens the very foundation we stand upon.

Fight the Fear

Though I cannot remember the initial instance when my dad said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” I know that it stuck like glue in my young mind. As a little girl, I was fascinated by this concept. In the beautiful simplicity of childhood, the fears that I combatted with this statement were feats such as being unafraid on horseback or jumping into freezing water of a natural spring at our hunting camp. I even remember quoting it to friends to help them get past the irrational thoughts that all too often grip our hearts. But, as we age and grow more knowledgeable in the ways of the world, fear takes on a more subtle pervasiveness and tries to sneak into countless facets of life. The particularly crippling fear that I want to address today is the fear of man, particularly the worry of others’ opinions or feelings towards me.

In my last post, Block the Block, I admitted that this blog had been neglected due to writer’s block. Part of what I learned through examining that condition is that in making myself vulnerable in this way, I am subjecting myself to the scrutiny of the public eye. In brainstorming for new content, I often encounter the hurdle called “What will they think of me?,” and, again, find myself repeating the truth unveiled to me by my dad– “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

Upon his 1933 inauguration, newly elected president, Franklin D. Roosevelt, addressed a depression-stricken nation in a manner more candid and somber than he typically employed. It was in his opening remarks that he famously said, “So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Now, remember the situation at that time– the country was reeling from unemployment and poverty, both serious deficits, like never before. It is not that Roosevelt had an obliviously entitled “Let them eat cake” attitude because he covered the many hardships at hand with great empathy, but he made the point that their difficulties concerned material things and therefore could be endured and overcome. (Read the entire speech here.)

If the fear of Great Depression perils could be overcome by the realization that fear was the more toxic problem than the actual perils, how much more should we recognize the irrationality of fear? If allowed, it can keep you from your purpose, so it must not be entertained.

In my case, I must choose to be compelled by an unction to write boldly and honestly rather than by the whims and temptation of popularity. One obvious issue with being controlled by the fear of man is that there are so many contradictory opinions that there is no way to please everyone. Therefore, it is easy to become trapped in a paralyzed, unfulfilled existence.

Roosevelt also said this in his inaugural address: “Happiness lies not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort. The joy and moral stimulation of work no longer must be forgotten in the mad chase of evanescent profits. These dark days will be worth all they cost us if they teach us that our true destiny is not to be ministered unto but to minister to ourselves and to our fellow men.”

Though he contrasts the obsession of wealth attainment with honest work and creativity, I find that upholding some idea of people-pleasing at the cost of neglecting my heart is equally detrimental. Let’s share our God-given creativity and talent with the world and refuse to let fear get in the way!

Block the Block

To state the obvious, I’ve been absent from this blog for the past few weeks. I could make convincing excuses, e.g., I’ve taken on a second job as a wrangler for the Four Seasons Horseback Riding operation, but that doesn’t feel like the whole truth. I want to tell the whole truth; this must always be a space of vulnerable story-telling, even when certain stories feel uncomfortable.

But, just for fun, here is some photo evidence of my almost-excuse.

IMG_6721

Views from the saddle.

So, here’s the unveiled truth–I’ve had writer’s block. No, worse than that–inspiration block.

I’ve come to the conclusion that since I am still dry in the enlightening historical anecdote department, I must push back against the blockade on my creativity by picking up my proverbial pen and writing about it. After all, if you bring your struggle into the light, it loses the power it has mustered by remaining veiled in shadows.

There are a few lessons that I’ve learned from this process that I would like to unpack through my next few posts. I believe that these will have useful tools for overcoming various blocks; not just in writing. Here’s the run-down:

  1. The fear of man, i.e., worrying about people’s opinions of me, cannot have a hold on my blog content or on the content of my life for that matter.
  2. In unearthing truth in public, the reverberations may leave me drained and tempted to shy away if not kept in check.
  3. My search for inspiring stories isn’t always the route to take. Sometimes, I need to unveil truths through personal commentary.

Please check back to get my take on the above points. To ensure that you won’t miss anything, subscribe on the homepage sidebar and get fresh content delivered straight to your inbox.

United States of America?

True confession: Being that it’s an election year, I’ve felt the abysmal division in our political system more than ever, but my reaction has been to bolster my beliefs and affiliation while assuming the worst of the other side and stereotyping them as a result.

Well, something unprecedented happened several nights ago that has rocked my world and I believe has the power to shake things up in the intensely polarized environment that we live in.

Filled Up Full

At the start of a new year, I like to prayerfully determine a word for that year. In 2015, my word was wonder, inspired by this song by Bethel Music. The idea was to live in a state of awe and admiration of the world around me. I found that since this was my focus, I was empowered to live into the present

Abraham Lincoln: He who Let Freedom Ring

Today is the birthday of the man who saw great discrepancy between Declaration of Independence rhetoric and then-contemporary reality of legal slave trade and slave ownership in America. Not only did he acknowledge it, but President Abraham Lincoln was able to do what others before him unsuccessfully attempted–He abolished the vile practice in all states.

Take Heart

Perhaps this punchy quote is expected from President Theodore Roosevelt– The same man who was shot in the chest and instead of going to the hospital, proceeded with delivering a 90-minute-long speech! But isn’t such courage, though it will look different for each person, and hopefully less dramatic, the standard that we should attain to?

Comfort is achieved by remaining on the sidelines, but this is often at the expense of digging the grave of your own dreams. I think most of us want to “dare mighty things,” but when it comes down to it, that takes real vulnerability.

Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor who studies vulnerability and knows the immense struggle it is for so many. It takes courage to be vulnerable. In fact, Brown points out that the root word for courage is “cor,” which is Latin for heart, and an early definition of courage was “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” In other words, courageous meant to bare your heart.

Mighty surf at Ho'okipa, Maui.

Mighty surf at Ho’okipa, Maui.

Think of people that you look up to for whatever reason– Chances are, they got to their current success by daring to be vulnerable; by baring their heart. For instance, many great authors, such as William Golding, E.E. Cummings, Jack London, Dr. Seuss, and J.K. Rowling were rejected by publishers numerous times before their famous books were finally published. So not only did they have to be vulnerable once, but after they failed, they had to be vulnerable again, and again, and again. Or take Walt Disney–

Wearing Many Hats Without Becoming a Mad Hatter

Though progress happens as a result of forward-thinking, wisdom to steward progress well comes from studying the past and those who have gone before us. In my last post, Success & Balance, I comment on flawed modern ideas on the topic, so to best make my case for future change, let’s take counsel from the past.

The founding fathers of this great nation are all a success story, but only one is commemorated on the largest U.S. bill, $100, and he wasn’t even a president. Who is it?

Success & Balance

Does the title of today’s post seem like an oxymoron to you? Do you read “success” and trigger that driving voice in your head that whispers, or even yells, “You’re not doing enough.” I believe that today’s culture has most of us convinced that success is proportionate to extreme busyness and stress.

I know what you’re thinking: “Easy for you to lecture about not letting stress and ideas of success dictate life when you live on a tiny Hawaiian island.” Well, in one regard, you’re right. There are no traffic lights, road ragers, or drive-through eateries on Lanai, but, oddly enough, the sneaky stress monster posing as success still has a big hold here. I never thought my experience as my husband’s dental assistant would lend itself to this blog, but this actually helps make my point: teeth grinding is closely linked to stress and on Lanai, we estimate that over 50% of our patients age 20 and above show signs of grinding. So no, we’re not all strolling on the beach with umbrella cocktails in hand. People are still trying to run their lives but are all too often being run by them.

Also, let me say, I firmly believe in a strong work ethic and think that young adults entering the work force often lack the same work ethic as our parents, but that’s a topic for another day. Coupled with my value of work ethic is is a hard-learned practice of taking less time to do more work (efficiency) and prioritizing aspects of life by what matters most to you and therefore warrants a greater amount of work than your actual work does. For example, quality time with my husband is a must in my life. Though we don’t have more actual hours to spend on this than on working, we can purpose to work in a way that preserves energy and allows us to put heart work fully into this area.

Playing in the clouds- Haleakala Crater

Playing in the clouds- Haleakala Crater

One of my new heroes,