Does the title of today’s post seem like an oxymoron to you? Do you read “success” and trigger that driving voice in your head that whispers, or even yells, “You’re not doing enough.” I believe that today’s culture has most of us convinced that success is proportionate to extreme busyness and stress.

I know what you’re thinking: “Easy for you to lecture about not letting stress and ideas of success dictate life when you live on a tiny Hawaiian island.” Well, in one regard, you’re right. There are no traffic lights, road ragers, or drive-through eateries on Lanai, but, oddly enough, the sneaky stress monster posing as success still has a big hold here. I never thought my experience as my husband’s dental assistant would lend itself to this blog, but this actually helps make my point: teeth grinding is closely linked to stress and on Lanai, we estimate that over 50% of our patients age 20 and above show signs of grinding. So no, we’re not all strolling on the beach with umbrella cocktails in hand. People are still trying to run their lives but are all too often being run by them.

Also, let me say, I firmly believe in a strong work ethic and think that young adults entering the work force often lack the same work ethic as our parents, but that’s a topic for another day. Coupled with my value of work ethic is is a hard-learned practice of taking less time to do more work (efficiency) and prioritizing aspects of life by what matters most to you and therefore warrants a greater amount of work than your actual work does. For example, quality time with my husband is a must in my life. Though we don’t have more actual hours to spend on this than on working, we can purpose to work in a way that preserves energy and allows us to put heart work fully into this area.

One of my new heroes, Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor, gives insight to success through her in depth study of quantitative data on vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame. In her book, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You Are Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, she says, “Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it’s often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.” 

My suggestion is to take an honest look at your life: Is your time and energy being swallowed up by a job that’s sucking the life out of you? If so, make a change! Maybe that change is getting your work done in 7 hours instead of dragging it out to 10 to look good for the boss. There are people in your personal life that need to know they’re the most important thing to you. Or, maybe you need to find a new job altogether. I know there are complications to making this sort of change, but it all starts with changing the way we view success. Think of Dr. Brené Brown’s above quote and start embracing this beautiful life you’ve been given.